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Friday, March 5, 2010

Prompt Friday/ March Madness!

First thing’s first. I know today is Friday, and therefore, a prompt should be hidden down below, however, I am diligently working on a fight scene for Harem and can’t tear my attention away from it without completely losing the flow. And no one wants a choppy fight scene. I do, however, have something else I would like to present that I have been working on. Before I tell you about this project, however, I would like to request your help.

My good friend, Steve Orlando and Poseur Ink are doing some fundraising for his latest comic, Octobriana. Check out the project, it’s really cool, and if you can, become a backer. If you donate, you can get some really cool things in return.

Now, back to the other little project I have been working on. Best friend Julia and I have been working our way through Star Trek: The Original Series, MST3King it as we go (over IM, even though we are considering getting together at some point and recording some of our antics – some are so good that fluids have nearly come out noses by accident).

Anyway, I have been writing funny little recap paragraphs after watching each episode. So now, I proudly present: Star Trek: TOS: THE CLIFFNOTES EDITION!.


The Original Pilot

“The Cage” – Whiny Christopher Pike is captain of the USS Enterprise and poorly fights telepathic aliens with large, bulbous, ass-shaped heads. The navigators of the Enterprise don’t seem capable of avoiding Space!Potholes.

Season One

“Where No Man Has Gone Before” – The Pilot, Try Two. Silver eyes = evil telekinetics. Superpowered!Gary Mitchell is an asshole, who tries to kill Kirk with rocks, and, to add insult to injury, spells his name wrong on the gravestone.

“The Man Trap” – McCoy beams down to visit his ex-girlfriend, which, while a bad idea in and of itself, is a worse idea when she changes her face and has severe salt cravings.

“Charlie X” – Scary dude with mental powers that, when in use, make him look like he’s shitting a meatloaf. Turkeys abound.

“The Naked Time” – Due to lack of hand sanitizer, innermost desires are revealed. Spock uses the word “swashbuckling” to describe Sulu, who thinks he’s a pirate.

“The Enemy Within” – A transporter malfunction splits Unidog and Kirk into the two separate aspects of their personalities. Animalistic!Kirk is constipated, Goody-Goody!Kirk is a wimp. Spock hates all Unidogs.

“Mudd’s Women” – Sparkly prostitutes, led by their flamboyantly gay pimp, make every single man on the Enterprise sweat so bad even the computer notices. Except Spock, whose heart is not in the center of his chest, but sort of off to the left.

“What Are Little Girls Made Of?” – Little girls are apparently made of indecision. Chapel and Kirk beam down to her ex-boyfriend’s (George W. Bush) ice cube where everyone wears ugly footie pajamas and Kirk is thrown into walls by a Scooby Doo villain. Stacy and Clinton sob. Spock criticizes word choice.

“Dagger of the Mind” – A crazy man in search for Metamucil and Proactiv gets aboard the Enterprise. McCoy can’t seem to remember why he came into the room in the first place while Kirk and hot!medical chick visit the commune. I mean penal colony.

“The Corbomite Maneuver” – It’s attack of the childhood toys when a radioactive Rubiks cube refuses to let the Enterprise pass Go and collect its 200 credits. An angry Lite Brite arrives and expresses its displeasure at Kirk’s decision to kill it’s Rubiks cube. You know things are bad when Scotty looks concerned.

“The Menagerie, Part I” – Spock hijacks the Enterprise, leaving Kirk at a planetary rest stop with five credits and a Twinkie, so that he can take Davros on vacation on Talos IV where his hover!zamboni will make smoother ice. McCoy, mad with power, sends Spock to his room to think about what he’s done before he’s put on trial, where we watch some of his home movies.

“The Menagerie, Part II” – We continue to watch Spock’s home videos of a non-irradiated Pike and his unfortunate one-night stand with penis-headed aliens. Present!Pike dribbles on himself uncontrollably throughout the proceedings.

“The Conscience of the King” – In a stroke of genius, Kirk brings Kodos, evil man who brought death and destruction to Kirk’s childhood (and Tarsus IV), and his ‘the crazy doesn’t fall too far from the tree’ daughter on board the Enterprise after a fellow Tarsus survivor is found dead. Riley, another witness to Tarsus’s genocide, is poisoned after he requests that Uhura play ‘Freebird’ on Spock’s harp. Kodos, the genocidal maniac, has had his midlife crisis and shifted careers to something more suiting to his melodramatic nature: Shakespearean actor.

“Shore Leave” – No spring break is complete without some hallucinatory fun! McCoy goes slightly insane in order to get Kirk to come down to the planet and vacation with him, even though he later dumps him for a yeoman and two women dressed as Peeps. Cameos by: The evil!leprechan!asshole former classmate, a samurai, birds, and an ugly!princess!headdress. They constantly break the first rule of crazy situations: DO. NOT. SPLIT. UP.

“The Galileo Seven” – Spock brings the kids on a trip in the Galileo, his soccer mom minivan. He hits a space!pothole after they won’t stop asking “Are we there yet?” and they crash on a planet with fuzzy, asthmatic Vikings and a broken spear factory. Scotty gets hungry and proves he is MacGuyver of sandwich making while the one black guy on the crew has seen Scream and knows how this is going to end.

nt - 3/5/10


Notes: If you’d like to watch Star Trek: TOS it’s available for free viewing on Youtube or CBS. I highly recommend it.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Question Wednesday

Q: If you only had seven days to live, how would you spend your remaining days? Or would you just not die?

A: So, I’m not sure how I would “just not die” if I only had seven days left to live. I’m assuming in that case, I would be transformed into some sort of immortal creature like a vampire or a minion of the Fae. Both of these aren’t bad options, but if I had to choose between the two, I would prefer a non-sparkly vampire. Even better would be a White Court vampire, but since they’re born, not made, I’ll settle for an operative of the Summer Court, thanks.

Anyway, if I only had seven days left to live, I would start up a pot of coffee and start drinking those 5 Hour Energy Drinks, because I would have a lot of things I wanted to do. I would first probably write down all the ideas for stories that I ever had and send them to someone who I trusted to do them justice. There’s always a need for good story telling in the world, and my brain is always working. I have this hope that somewhere along the line, my stories can make even a single person happy, or inspire them to do something great and wonderful. That, my friends, is how we change the world: one person at a time.

After I finished that, I would go down to my nearest Mini Cooper dealer and demand to test drive one. I would blow red lights, break the speed limit, and see if it’s just as awesome as all those movies make it out to be. I would then complete a list of awesome things I absolutely must do: cross-country road trip with my best friend; rock climbing in Washington state; harassing mimes in France; going to a Foo Fighters concert; going to a Green Day concert; zip-lining in Mexico; participating in a Capoeira roda in Brazil; pub crawling in London with my brother; dancing to jaunty polka music at Oktoberfest; professing my undying love for… someone.

I’d be a very busy person, obviously.

I’m a firm believer in doing what makes you happy and living without regrets. Sure, you’ll make mistakes, but you’ll learn from them and grow stronger. The more important thing is to not regret NOT doing something. Don’t live in fear of looking like a fool, or screwing up, or any of the other excuses that are holding you back. Life is meant to be lived, not wasted away in some 4x6 cubicle pushing papers and praying for the day to be over. If you want to be a rock star, pick up a guitar; if you want to see the Swiss Alps at sunrise, get your ass on a plane; if you want to know if Russian potatoes taste different than Irish potatoes, go out there and find out. Sitting around thinking about it is never going to get you those answers. And if you fail, you fail. You pick up those pieces and you put them back together and you MOVE ON. Life is awesome, go do something with it.

That being said, I am now back to work on what I want to do with my life. Fearlessly forging ahead and whatnot.


Monday, March 1, 2010

Status Report Monday (international banking)

Last week, I got my new acceptance letter from my grad school. Since then, I've been having mild anxiety attacks about how exactly I'm going to pay for school. Mostly, I'm freaking out about how exactly I'm supposed to switch all my finances from USD to GBP. There is a reason I'm a writer and not a financial advisor.

Anyway, Harem is coming along. I'm working with a particular plot twist/aerial fight scene/addition of sub-plot section that is giving me a few problems. Mostly because there is so much awesome that I want to pack into it that I need to sit and figure things out, but my brain is racing ahead. That, and I'm trying to decide if the laws of physics will actively prevent me from some of the moves I'm planning. I probably would have gotten a lot more done if I didn't have a snow day on Friday. Ironic, right? Instead, I spent most of the day shoveling snow.

No word back about Anomaly yet; supposedly, there will be news this week. So, with that looming, and work from my third job picking up (yay, tour date research!), and the idea of sorting out international banking and whether selling a kidney is a good idea to make my finances feel a little more secure, my writing has slowed to a limping pace. It would be really nice if I could function with less sleep. I've gotten to the point where I once again feel the need to write down every last thing I need to get done so I feel less overwhelmed. It's not helping. I still want to crawl into bed and hide under the covers. UNfortunate.

But now, I am back off to get some work done. Submit questions for Question Wednesday over in the sidebar dooblydoo!