It was snowing this morning. I was displeased. And slightly frozen.
I haven't had a chance to look at Harem lately, and that's been driving me up a wall. I'm completely focused on studying for my EMT course that I lose all track of time and my intentions are shot to hell.
And the thing is, I know why I'm working so hard on studying, even though I probably don't need to (and people keep telling me I don't need to). I'm a bit scared that I'm going to screw up somehow. Sort of how it's so easy to put aside whatever writing project I'm working on because I am so uncertain and insecure about how good it is. There's this niggling of failure in the back of my mind that leaves me constantly worrying if what I'm doing is good enough.
I'm sure that once the class is over and I start to actually EMT and get into the routine of responding to calls and doing paperwork and any number of other things, the persistent insecurity that lives in my head will quiet to a manageable level. Just like when I sit down and actually finish Harem (and get over the "Oh my god, I just want to light it on fire" reaction I have with all my completed work), the anxiety associated with finishing my first novel-length work will dull.
Long story short: I try to hard when I'm feeling insecure about something. Anything, really.
Back to work... maybe I'll actually get a chance to do some writing this week.
ps - the song the parenthetical came from:
Motion City Sountrack - Make Out Kids